The Dark Arts - AFK Krab Farming in Nullsec Staging Systems - A Guide

How to be a thorn in the side of any major nullsec alliance as a solo pirate

There are definitely other pirates and PvPers out there who have found effective ways to hunt krabs solo in hostile staging systems. But I don't know of anyone else who does it quite the same way I do. This strategy has gotten me quite a few easy kills with minimal losses. I wouldn't say that I'm making great isk by the standards of anyone who does PVE or trades or does industry or whatever, but I scrape by on loot and ransoms and heists alone, as I have for the past decade. And I'm a casual player, as my readers know. So the isk to me is good, and by good I mean I'm making more money selling off loot than I'm spending on ships and supplies. To me, that's a win, And it is nice seeing 15-25 killmarks on my ships before they go down.

Honestly is absolutely stupid of me to publish this guide. I'll probably delete it before I hit publish. If I'm dumb enough to publish this, that's just...wow...really stupid. I definitely won't share it anywhere. I'm on to a good thing here, and if other people start doing it too, then everything will be ruined for me. There are so many ways that they could kill me out there, if they know how I'm doing it. But they don't. Yet. And then again...I've always published guides when I figure stuff out. It seems like I shouldn't stop now. Here's hoping that only fellow pirates read this article and not angry nullseccers who are trying to kill me.

This is the step by step guide to my tactic, how I got those 100 nullbear kills in November of last year, and many more since then. 

Two Accounts - Scout and Gank

You need two accounts for this one. It can be two people but I just multibox two accounts fairly easily. The first character is a scout. They can be flying anything with a covops cloak. I usually fly a covops frigate or an Astero. If you don't mind multiboxing in fights, you could go with something more interesting, but I like to have just one decloaked character on grid when I have to make a speedy exit.

For your scout character, any reasonable fit will do. It should have an expanded probe launcher if possible, as those come in handy. It's mice if a scout covops can have a microwarpdrive as well, for making fast bookmarks. Cargo capacity is also nice.

The Ship - Osprey Navy Issue

For your ganking ship, your most important stat is align time. The magical number, from my experiments, is an align time less than 4 seconds. If you don't fuck up, you can evade the standing fleet every single time with a sub 4 second align time.

I have used several ships and fits, but here is my latest Osprey Navy Issue fit. This absolutely slays krabs. Using this fit I have killed dozens of Vexors, dozens of Ishtars, Algoses, Vexor Navy Issues, Procurers, a Noctis, a Navy Drake, a Praxis, and probably a bunch of other things I can't remember right now. And for every fight I won there were often one or two fights that I successfully disengaged from when they tried to blob me.

This fit in some ways is a very conventional RLML solo fit, but one thing is unusual. The Improved Cloaking Device. Being able to cloak up for the 15 minute duration of your aggression timer is key. You do not need one of these on your ganking ship, per se, but you do at least want to have a Prototype Cloak and a mobile depot in your cargo hold so that you can switch to the cloak after an attack and switch back to get ready for the nest fight. Without a cloaking device, you would be bouncing between safes all night to avoid being probed down. 

Obviously, you could choose a more expensive ship that has a covops cloak to gank krabs. But I'm on a budget here. 112 million for an ONI is more cost effective than 600+ mil for a strategic cruiser or Stratios or something. Kill a dozen Vexors and it pays for itself. Or one or two faction loot drops, which will happen from time to time.

Just a little singed after a fight

The Strategy

Once you have your ships in position, safe log off your ganking account. Keep your scout alt online. Sneak around the system scanning for targets.

If you are doing this anywhere else other than the staging system of a major alliance, you would run into a big problem here. Everyone krabbing in the system would run and hide in a citadel the moment you were spotted in local. 

Even in these staging systems, neutrals in local affect some people's behavior. But they don't always see you in local. With hundreds of people in local chat, most folks will have to scroll down to spot your name, unless you are one of those poor fools whose name starts with A. Some people probably notice you there, but not everyone does. You may be mentioned in intel channels or the standing fleet may discuss you, but often those things don't happen for hours at a time. Some feel invincible so close to hundred of their alliance mates and take foolish chances. Some are simply oblivious to their surroundings. Still some others are determined to AFK krab and accept repeated losses as a cost of doing business. There will always be targets in space even with your neutral scout or PvP main in system. 

But of course, if your scout alt is planted into your target alliance, or blue to them, that's even better for a multitude of reasons.

So anyway, d-scan all the combat sites. Locate krabs, then warp to the site and see who they are. Take your time. There is absolutely no need to rush the intel gathering stage of this plan. Check their corp history and zKillboard history. Choose targets that seem the highest value that you can realistically solo first and work your way down the list. Assess the available information to decide whether or not to attack. Do they look like they bait people often? Are they PvPers at all? If so, any solo kills? Kills in their krabbing ship with a blob of other guys? Have they been in the alliance long, or did they just start the other day? Have they lost the same ship class they are flying recently? What was the fit? If you have an in-corp scout/spy, is the target in the Standing Fleet? Work your way around and decide what you want to go for. Make a list if you want to hit multiple targets fast.

Anyway, you choose a target, and make not of its location. A shared bookmark is handy sometimes for this but not always needed. At this point you want to move fast.

Expect lots of narrow escapes

The Drop

Log in your ONI or whatever. Immediately warp in on your first target. Overheat your point, your launchers/guns, your microwarpdrive. Burn to it if necessary, get point, orbit within disruptor range and within your weapon's optimal. The RLML ONI is nice because you can stay right out of scram/web range without any reduction in damage, but most of your targets won't have points anyway.

Anyway, burn the krab down. Remember not to burn out any modules. While doing this, have your directional scanner set at 1 AU range. Spam dscan and if anything appears, recall your drones and bug out. Even when the standing fleet lands on grid before you notice them, you still can make it most of the time (if you don't screw up.) Try to remember to shut off your MWD to align faster. This will happen a lot, so get good at running away. They will be chasing you all night long. 

Quite often, the target won't ask for help quickly enough. You will tackle them, and they will melt under the onslaught of your missiles. Then you will recall your drones and run away.  If you have multiple targets lined up, go to the next one, and the next. Keep moving fast, don't stay on grid any longer than necessary. 

When you are done blowing stuff up or have been chased off grid by the standing fleet, cloak up at a safe spot. Repair your overheating damage, reload missiles and cap booster charges. When your aggression timer is gone, safe log off. Meanwhile, carefully collect the loot with your covops scout. Rinse repeat.

This tactic feels a whole lot like suicide ganking except the standing fleet isn't infallible like CONCORD. They show up anywhere from 20 seconds to never, they can be evaded, but yeah if you serve yourself up on a platter to them they will fuck you up.

You're going to want one of these

Supply Chain

Even an extremely casual player like me can rack up kills by the dozen doing this. All of that fighting consumes ammunition, cap booster charges, nanite repair paste, and especially drones, which you sometimes have to abandon on the field when the standing fleet gets the drop on you. Loot also begins to accumulate in large amounts. I suppose one could periodically leave the system to pick up supplies and drop off loot, but that seems like a lot of tedious traveling back and forth. It's more fun to just stay there until they manage to kill you.

Two deployables are essential for this style of camping out in hostile space. A mobile depot, kept in the cargo hold of your Navy Osprey (or whatever). This allows you to swap modules, like to fit a cloaking device if needed, or an armor or hull repairer. It also allows you to put drones in your drone bay. These can be probed down, though, so scoop them when not in use and vary the locations where you anchor them.

The other thing you will need is an anchorable container. I use a medium secure container. This is my supply dump. All my consumables are stored here. These containers cannot be probed down, so this is safe storage as long as you don't go there while combat probes are out.

As for a way to move move stuff to and from the system, I've done it two ways. First, a blockade runner alt is handy if you need to move things across multiple systems. You could even use a blockade runner as your scout alt. 

The best way to handle this, though, is to have your scout alt infiltrate the alliance that stages there. Then you can buy ammo and stuff in the local Keepstar, and sell their loot drops back to them. This greatly simplifies logistics, eliminating a really tedious part of the game from the equation. It's also deeply satisfying.

Conclusions

If you are a casual pirate and parent like me, this is an awesome way to solo PvP. I only have limited time to play EVE, so I came up with this as a way that I can just log in to the game and immediately PvP. I followed the principle I've cited again and again over the years in this blog - go where the targets are. In nullsec, that means one of a very short list of systems.

Once I get set up in a system, I can AFK all day long. If I have 10 minutes to play, I can log in my scout alt, pick a target, then log in my PvP main and kill it, loot the wreck and cloak up all within about 3 minutes. Then I just have to remember to come back after my aggression timer runs out to log off again. Anytime I have a few minutes and want some immediate PvP action, it's right there in front of me.

The catch is that you have to not die. The only tedious part is reshipping when you take a loss.

Try not to die

100 Nullbear Kills - Part 6 - They Lived Happily Ever After

 Long story short, I killed 100 nullbears solo that November. I'm going to cut this series short because things have continued to happen faster than I can write about them. I've been stuck trying to tell the story of  November 2021 since November 2021, so I think I'm going to call it off. Lame, I know, but nobody reads this blog anyway.

Long story short, I succeeded in my objective by terrorizing the staging systems of Horde, the Imperium, and Fraternity. to a much lesser extent. Good times were had by all. I made some modest profits on loot and felt like I was pioneering a playstyle.

My travels took me to the titan graveyard at B-RBR5 the other day.

Since then I have continued to refine and update my methods, returning for another month in the summer to slay more nullsec citizens, with remarkably few losses. Always I dabble a bit at lowsec PvP in between expeditions, and got a few kills around Uemon as well. Particularly of the kids who always lurk around that neighborhood in Ventures huffing gas. I also ambushed a mining fleet in Ofage with my trusty Hurricane and got a nice Coveter kill, then killed the Legion that they brought out for defense. In another fight with the Hurrcane, I slaughtered a ratting Cyclone. 

Lowsec has continued to yield really interesting and varied fights, compared to the boring homogeny of nullsec. Unfortunately though, it does require a lot of time and effort to find targets there. For those looking for quick and dirty warzone 1vXs against faction warfare people, these are certainly boom times. As for me, I've been there and done that, and it doesn't interest me much anymore. Nullsec adventures are more my jam at the moment.

Stay tuned for the next article. I will be breaking down my method for hunting krabs in staging systems as a guide for anyone who is interested in being a thorn in the side of the largest alliances as a solo pirate.

100 Nullbear Kills - Part 5: Filamenting is Dumb

Out of endless white nothing, came a thought - I am Syeed Ameer Ali.

The transfer of memory came as a psychic shock, a flood of images - children at play on the Vherokior homeworld, the dull monotony of lectures at the Republic University, the series of operations that made him a capsuleer, the explosions of countless carebears.

Syeed sat upright, shoving the lid of his clone vat out of the way as he climbed out. Viscous biogels oozed and dripped down the smooth, naked skin of his fresh clone.

A random ball of Redeeemers I saw

As his eyes adjusted to the soft white lighting of the Uemon Zainou Biotech Production station clone bay, he saw a cluster of harried looking medical technicians briskly walking towards him. Non-capsuleers - barely worth acknowledging. He waved them away impatiently, pulling various tubes and wires out of his orifaces and tossing them aside. Syeed was no stranger to the transfer of consciousness from a dead clone to a living. The process held no more trauma for him.

He put on a bathrobe and slippers that he found neatly arranged by the side of his clone vat and opened a channel to his intelligence network. “Come in, Hummingbird, this is Dirtbag 1. Acknowledge,” he said.

“Welcome back to Uemon, Dirtbag 1,” the spy chirped happily. “Will you be staying long this time?”

“No way, Hummingbird. We need to get cracking if we’re going to kill 100 nullbears by the end of the month. I need you to fit and provision another Osprey Navy Issue for an expedition. Oh - and bring filaments this time.”

“Wait a minute, boss. Didn’t you say you tried filamenting when they came out and didn’t have any success with it?”

“Well yes, Hummingbird, but other people seem to be getting kills that way. I can’t deny that. Perhaps I didn’t give it enough of a chance. Fit the ship! We leave as soon as I take a shower…”

The elusive Vexor

…the following day.

“Damnit, Hummingbird, filamenting sucks!” Syeed gurgled. “Why did I let you talk me into this?”

“It hasn’t been that bad. You killed a Moa, and a Coercer…”

“After hours of hopping back and forth all over nullsec! The Moa wasn't a nullbear, they were another solo PvPer. They were probably also filamenting around failing to catch ratters. The Coercer wasn’t even in null, we found it on a shortcut through the faction warfare zone. It was a Horde pilot though, so they totally count as a nullbear kill.

“Filamenting has the same fundamental problem as classical roaming in nullsec. You jump into a system and all the bears see you in local and run for the nearest citadel. You can only catch the ones that are either afk or bait. We never should have deviated from the Philosophy of Lurking. Where in the name of Bob are we anyway?”

“Welp… let me consult the map, Dirtbag 1,” the scout replied. “It seems we are in…Delve.”

“Excellent. Lay in a course for 1DQ1-A.”

to be continued...

 

100 Nullbear Kills - Part 4: Leaving R1O-GN

 “Die Vexor. Um…eat missiles or something…” Syeed sighed as he dispatched yet another Pandemic Horde ratter.

“Scratch another bogey, Dirtbag 1,” Hummingbird chirped as the pirate warped away from the smoking wreckage. “Securing the loot. Say, is there something bothering you? You don’t seem like your usual enthusiastic self.”

“Well this project is obviously going well, Hummingbird,” Syeed told the spy as he ascended to the interdimensional zone. “Almost too well. The Philosophy of Lurking is obviously successful on a surprising scale. Who knew that simply trying not to die in PvP engagements would result in so many kills? I’ve massacred dozens of Vexors. Algoses, Ishtars, a Navy Drake, a Noctis, mining barges, Ventures, etc etc. I have never in my life had so many killmarks on a ship.”

“So where’s the problem, boss? We’re making good isk too. Our little operation is well on its way to becoming one of the top dealerships for Drone Damage Amplifier IIs in the Kalevala Expanse, not to mention the faction loot that the Ishtars drop.”

“Well, as you recall from reading my blog, before my last hiatus I had gotten my mojo back as a solo PvPer in lawless space. I was pretty happy about that, but I was still trying to find fights mostly by traditional roaming, and relying on the Philosophy of Unconstrained Belligerence. Sometimes I was spending 2 or 3 hours hunting between each kill. I also was taking quite a few dumb losses. I dabbled at filamenting and ESS robbery a bit, but neither one really worked out for me.”

“Yes, Dirtbag 1. I seem to recall…uh…reading about that in your blog,” the spy replied.

“So I came up with the Philosophy of Lurking as an experiment, looking for a way to consistently get PvP action with very limited playtime. As you can see, it has worked well for us.

“However, I also had some other ideas I wanted to try. But when we started this I decided that I would not leave R1O-GN until I lost my ship. I never expected that it would take more than a week. I’m beginning to think that Pandemic Horde is simply not capable of killing me. I admit I’m getting a little impatient.”

“Well, it’s true that they are pretty bad,” Hummingbird mused. “Oh hey, I’ve got eyes on another Vexor.”

“Roger,” Syeed said, dropping to normal space and warping to the anomaly.

The cruiser floated blithely, watching it’s drones engage the NPCs. “I’ve got point. Missiles away,” Syeed said. Soon the Vexor exploded. The pirate orbited the wreck.

“Dirtbag 1, you’d better get out of there. I’ve got multiple bogeys on short scan,” Hummingbird chirped.

Syeed grinned. “Time to go home,” he said.

Seconds later, dozen of ships dropped out of warp - the Standing Fleet had arrived. Syeed target locked the closest ship. “UNCONSTRAINED BELLIGERENCE!” he gurgled through pod goo, and fired his missiles.

A hail of missiles, colorful lasers, and assorted projectiles made short work of his Navy Osprey. Syeed felt a concussive thump as the ejection charges threw his capsule clear of the smoking wreckage. He immediately engaged his warp drive and zoomed away to a safe waypoint, leaving the celebrating Pandemic Horde standing fleet behind.

“Ha ha, you crazy boss,” Hummingbird laughed over comms.

Syeed chuckled. “I figure I have to let them  have a win every once in awhile,” he said as he initiated his capsule’s self-destruct sequence. “I was worried about their low self-esteem. Now, on to the next phase!”

His senses perceived a flash of light as a cocktail of euthanasia drugs were injected into his brain stem via his capsule interface. Then the self-destruction charges breached the pod itself, leaving Syeed Ameer Ali’s lifeless, frozen corpse floating in the void of space.

to be continued...

Nullbears killed - 40

Losses - 2

100 Nullbear Kills - Part 3: The Philosophy of Lurking

Syeed maneuvered through the debris field of another fallen Vexor. Communicating telepathically with his Osprey Navy Issue’s thrusters via the circuitry implanted in his clone’s cerebral cortex, he aligned to a distant waypoint and engaged his warp drive.

“Scratch another bogey, Hummingbird,” he gurgled through viscous pod goo. “Scoop the loot and find the next one.”

“Roger that, Dirtbag 1,” the spy replied. “Oh hey, this frozen corpse looks familiar. Another Kalsigh Ravencrest.”

“Throw it on the pile with the rest of them, I guess. I do feel a little bad though. Do you think we should-“

“Stop blowing up Kalsigh’s ships?”

“What!? HAHAHAHAHAHA-“ Syeed’s laughter ended in a series of choking, gurgling coughs. “Gack! You’re killing me Hummingbird. I inhaled half a gallon of pod goo. Don’t make me laugh so hard.”

“Sorry boss.”

Bubbles on the LXQ2-T gate

“Anyway, I was going to say maybe we should offer them the opportunity to pay ransom. I feel bad for killing them so many times, but there’s the Pirate’s Code to consider. If they don’t want to die, they need to pay.”

“I recommend against breaking radio silence, Dirtbag 1. I know that your PvP instincts were honed on the battlefields of highsec, where no encounter is complete without a healthy exchange of trash talk, but things are different out here. You’ve killed like 30 noobs in the last few days, but you’re still flying under the radar of the standing fleet for the most part. You’ve only been mentioned in the intel channels a handful of times.”

“You’re probably right, Hummingbird. Announcing myself would go against the Philosophy of Lurking,” the pirate said. “Stand by for safe log-off.”

“The Philosophy of what? Wait - I’ve got another target. Think you can handle an Ishtar?”

“Welp, there’s one way to find out.”

With a telepathic nudge, Syeed’s Osprey lurched back into Normal Space and entered warp.

Moments later he was staring down Jmac Hakaari of Pandemic Horde, in their shiny Ishtar class heavy assault cruiser. Like most nullbears, Jmac was occupied with assaulting innocent NPCs and didn’t immediately react to the flashy red pirate in their vicinity.

Activating his microwarpdrive, Syeed bore down on the target. “Die, fool!” he gurgled through a mouthful of pod goo as he unleashed the first salvo of missiles.

The nullbear attempted evasive maneuvers but their efforts were futile. Syeed’s souped-up Osprey Navy Issue was too fast, and quickly closed the distance.

In an act of desperation, Jmac instructed their powerful Praetor II drones to switch targets from the harmless NPCs to Syeed. Their lasers blasted his shields.

“Missile racks empty! Reloading!” Syeed cried. With a thought he activated the excruciatingly slow process of reloading his rapid light missile launchers, as he directed his much weaker Acolyte II drones to continue the assault, and rapidly orbited to mitigate the incoming laser fire from Jmac’s larger drones.

“Look out, Dirtbag 1, you’ve got company,” his spy warned.

A klaxon sounded aboard the Navy Osprey. Aura’s smooth, robotically feminine voice warned, “Proximity alert. Multiple hostiles inbound.”

“Poop poop poop,” Syeed cursed, activating his directional scanner. The heads-up display floating in his capsule showed a list of dozens of fearsome warships within 1 AU of his position. He eyeballed the progress of reloading his missile racks - 75%.

Another alarm sounded. “Shield integrity at 10%,” Aura pleasantly intoned.

Suddenly, a Stiletto class interceptor appeared on Syeed’s overview at a range of 50km.

Syeed telepathically activated his maneuvering thrusters to prepare a warp vector, just as a chirp from his HUD indicated his missiles were ready. He focused his thoughts on the launch code, “F1”, waited an instant for the first two volleys of missiles to leave the launchers, then activated his warp drive.

A resounding boom echoed throughout the vacuum of space behind him, signaling the destruction of the Ishtar, as he zoomed away to safety. In the last instant before he got away, dozens of hostile vessels filled the grid - Pandemic Horde’s infamous Standing Fleet.

“Loot secured,” Hummingbird chirped as Syeed activated his cloaking device. “Congratulations, Dirtbag 1. Your ship has paid for itself. From here on out, this expedition is operating in the black.”

“Excellent,” Syeed said as he assessed the damage to his lightly singed Osprey. “Uh…I’m going to need you to drop an Armor Repairer and some drones at the supply cache when you have a moment.”

After the fight

“Sure thing, boss,” the spy replied. “Anyway, what were you talking about before? The Philosophy of Something Something?”

“Ah yes, the Philosophy of Lurking. Allow me to explain…”

“As you know, Hummingbird, from reading the entire 40,000 pages of my blog leading up to this point, over the years I have employed a distinct style of solo PvP in lawless space. I never bothered to give that style a name before, but let’s call it the Philosophy of Unconstrained Belligerence. The name pretty much says it all.

“This PvP expedition represents a distinct departure from that system. I have come to realize that while unconstrained belligerence certainly has its merits, the state of New Eden has evolved, and my goals and expectations and personal limitations have evolved. I’m 12 years older now than when I started PvPing. I have a toddler. I have a life outside the-“

“Hold up, Dirtbag 1. Did you just say you have your child aboard a pirate ship in hostile space?!”

“I pay you to hunt nerds and listen to monologues, Hummingbird. Not to ask stupid questions.”

“Pardon the interruption.”

“Anyway, as I was saying, a new approach is called for. I figured I would try moving in to a nice system in nullsec where there are hundreds of people to shoot at 24/7, but instead of unconstrained belligerence, I would try restraint. I would make it an exercise of trying to stay alive as long as possible rather than trying to get kills as fast as possible. Careful scouting. Logging off in space. Avoiding fights, and only doing fast hit and run attacks against anything I think I can gank and get away before the blob lands. Running away at the first sign of trouble. In short, the exact opposite of how I usually PvP. 

“The Philosophy of Lurking is not about goodfights or e-bushido, it’s about farming nullbears for loot. And the resounding success of this expedition seems to be proof that the idea has merit.

“I’d tell you more, Hummingbird, but the exact details are…classified for the time being.  Perhaps another time.”

“...Huh? Were you still talking, Dirtbag 1? I think I dozed off there for a minute. But - oh hey! A Drake Navy Issue, right over there.”

“On my way,” Syeed said, dropping into Normal Space.

…to be continued.

Unrelated Stratios

The Ballad of Kalsigh Ravencrest

Kalsigh Ravencrest, Pandemic Horde

 In the red sun the rogue drones glowed

As Kalsigh Ravencrest approached

Their Vexor swift, their mighty drones

Drove the NPCs from their homes

They blew up all the rats and then

They warped to the next site and did it again

O krabbing was the finest thing

It made their wallet go “cha-ching”

O Kalsigh liked to krab all day

In R1O-GN they would play

They didn’t stop to pee or pray

They were krabbing AFK

They were krabbing AFK

They had no fear of enemies

They felt so safe and fancy free

They would krab from 4 to 3

Until the day they met Syeed

Until the day they met Syeed

Then from the night the pirate came

Syeed of Dirtbag Warrior fame

His Osprey warped where Kalsigh floated

His missiles flashed, and they exploded

“Sweet Kalsigh,” said Syeed, “Listen here

Ratting AFK is dangerous, I fear

But pay 100 million isk to me

And you can krab in total safety”

Kalsigh said “Hey listen guy

You must be pretty friggin high

If you think that you can possibly beat

The Pandemic Horde standing fleet!”

“You got lucky once,” they said

“But try again and you’ll be dead

With no delay you shall be killed

For I have joined a mighty guild!”

Random beauty shot

O Kalsigh liked to krab all day

In R1O-GN they would play

They didn’t stop to pee or pray

They were krabbing AFK

They were krabbing AFK

They had no fear of enemies

They felt so safe and fancy free

They would krab from 4 to 3

Until the day they met Syeed

Until the day they met Syeed

So Kalsigh’s Vexor went in space

Chasing NPCs all over the place

So when Syeed’s Osprey came to call

They weren't terrified at all

“Www,” in Fleet they cried

But in moments their Vexor died

The standing fleet ran to and fro

But for Syeed they were too slow

He blew their Vexor up and then

He did it again, and again, again and again

And just when we thought that he was through

He blew up another Vexor too

O Kalsigh liked to krab all day

In R1O-GN they would play

They didn’t stop to pee or pray

They were krabbing AFK

They were krabbing AFK

They had no fear of enemies

They felt so safe and fancy free

They would krab from 4 to 3

Until the day they met Syeed

Until the day they met Syeed

Some say Kalsigh is still out there

Krabbing AFK somewhere

But if that’s true, don’t be concerned

Pretty soon their ship will burn

When Kalsigh goes to bed at night

There’s one thing that brings them fright

Even though the evening quiet seems

Flashy red Syeed  invades their dreams

Come now children, gather near

‘Cuz there’s a big life lesson here-

If you want to krab with zero risk

Pay Syeed 100 million isk

100 Nullbear Kills - Part 2: The Slaughter of Newbeans

 Syeed drifted in pod goo, at the controls of his Osprey Navy Issue. It hung suspended in the gray mists of the interdimensional space, somewhere between logging in and going outside for some fresh air and exercise.

A chirp from the control panel roused him from his meditations. An incoming signal. With a thought, Syeed opened a channel.

“Dirtbag 1, come in. This is Hummingbird,” his comrade’s voice announced. “We have a target. Stand by to receive coordinates…”

“Excellent,” Syeed gurgled. (His mouth was full of pod goo.) He initiated the login sequence, and within seconds his ONI was hurtling through Normal Space at warp speed, the red sun of R1O-GN glistening on the jet black hull of his pirate ship.

yes I got the expensive paint job

Seconds later Syeed dropped out of warp in a mining anomaly. A Pandemic Horde pilot, Zikky P, was hovering motionless next to an asteroid in his Procurer class mining barge, slowly watching his ore hold fill, oblivious to any danger.

“Contact! Engaging!,” Syeed roared. With the lightning reflexes of an elite capsuleer peaking on boosters, he closed in on the barge and activated his warp disruptor. “Eat Mjolnir!” he gurgled, unleashing a sustained barrage of rapid-fire light missiles.

The Procurer’s shields melted under the onslaught, and great rents appeared in its hull. Moments later the vacuum of space…uh…echoed with a loud thump as the mining barge’s warp core breached, and the ship broke apart in the resulting explosion. As the dust cleared, Zikky P’s pod became visible, hovering motionless in the debris field. One more salvo of missiles sent the defeated capsuleer home.

“Scratch one bogey,” Syeed said. “Bugging out like we rehearsed.”

He warped his Osprey Navy Issue to a safe spot, and deployed a mobile depot. Then he used the fitting service to install a prototype cloaking device. Scooping the depot again, he activated his cloak and settled back to wait out his aggression timer.

“Loot secured,” Hummingbird said. “These strip miners will fetch a decent price when I sell them back to Horde in their own market. Keep them coming.”

“Hummingbird, patch in the feed from Horde Standing Fleet comms. Let’s see what they’re saying about me.”

Syeed relaxed and watched as lines of text scrolled across the heads-up display floating in his pod.

Roar Tivianne > Katarina Illuminato neut?

Max Churchill > yeah

Max Churchill > fancypants alliance is meant to be treated neutral

Roar Tivianne > they have acces to our ansi's?

Tiendiel > yes, fancypants corp is part of horde, they set up an alliance for AT

Parvizl > Roar Tivianne fancypants alliance is horde people that created a new alliance for the tournament

Jack Lagash > they're neut to us tho

Max Churchill > yes, you can fight them

Tiendiel > if they are on tether leave them be tho

Roar Tivianne > OK. thanks

“Seems we’re still flying under the radar,” he said a few minutes later. “I’m heading back to the logoff zone. Call me when you have another target.” He disappeared from Normal Space.

Soon after, the spy pinged again. An Algos, ratting. The same pilot, in fact, as the Algos Syeed had destroyed with a Hecate the day before - Ingram Ironheart. Syeed killed them again. An hour later - another Ingram Ironheart Algos. Then a pair of Ventures. Then Algos number four for Ingram.. A Vexor. A Merlin. Another Vexor.

Ship after ship was torn apart by Syeed’s missiles. 400 capsuleers were in local, all of them except for Syeed were in Pandemic Horde or their allies. And still he flew to and fro murdering noobs with impunity, completely unnoticed by any intel channels, ignored by the Standing Fleet.

“Hummingbird, you’re in Horde. What the heck is going on? Why is this so easy?” Syeed asked, as he waited out his timer after another Vexor kill.

“Well, boss, it seems there has been an announcement from CCP (the great demon who controls the universe, as you know). The Newbeans are all riled up about it. The capsuleers here in R1O-GS are all ratting completely afk, while the players that control them are paying attention to their other clones in Jita.”

“One capsuleer controlling two clones simultaneously? Surely such a thing is impossible!” Syeed gurgled.

“Oh it’s possible to do, Dirtbag 1, just not possible to do well. Hence the easy pickings here. Their attention is focused on Jita, where they are shooting at a statue in protest because CCP is proposing to alter the laws of the universe to nerf AFK Rorqual mining.”

“Wait, Hummingbird, I don’t understand. CCP is allowing AFK Rorqual mining!? This is an outrage! We should be in Jita protesting too!”

“No, no, you don’t understand. AFK Rorqual mining has been a thing for years while you were winning EVE. The good citizens of nullsec are upset that it won’t be a thing anymore. They just really, really like AFK mining in Rorquals. Well, most of them actually don’t do that, but the rich ones that do have informed the others that they should be outraged, so they’re all there in Jita, while their neglected alternate clones AFK rat here in R1O-GN.”

“They are like sheep! Can they not think for themselves?”

“No, Dirtbag 1, not sheep. They are bears. Nullbears.”

Score

Nullbears killed: 20

Losses: 1

Will Syeed succeed at killing 100 nullbears by the end of November? Will he manage to kill anything bigger than a Vexor? Will he ever stop writing about himself in the third person? Tune in next time to find out…