Syeed drifted in pod goo, at the controls of his Osprey Navy Issue. It hung suspended in the gray mists of the interdimensional space, somewhere between logging in and going outside for some fresh air and exercise.
A chirp from the control panel roused him from his meditations. An incoming signal. With a thought, Syeed opened a channel.
“Dirtbag 1, come in. This is Hummingbird,” his comrade’s voice announced. “We have a target. Stand by to receive coordinates…”
“Excellent,” Syeed gurgled. (His mouth was full of pod goo.) He initiated the login sequence, and within seconds his ONI was hurtling through Normal Space at warp speed, the red sun of R1O-GN glistening on the jet black hull of his pirate ship.
 |
| yes I got the expensive paint job |
Seconds later Syeed dropped out of warp in a mining anomaly. A Pandemic Horde pilot, Zikky P, was hovering motionless next to an asteroid in his Procurer class mining barge, slowly watching his ore hold fill, oblivious to any danger.
“Contact! Engaging!,” Syeed roared. With the lightning reflexes of an elite capsuleer peaking on boosters, he closed in on the barge and activated his warp disruptor. “Eat Mjolnir!” he gurgled, unleashing a sustained barrage of rapid-fire light missiles.
The Procurer’s shields melted under the onslaught, and great rents appeared in its hull. Moments later the vacuum of space…uh…echoed with a loud thump as the mining barge’s warp core breached, and the ship broke apart in the resulting explosion. As the dust cleared, Zikky P’s pod became visible, hovering motionless in the debris field. One more salvo of missiles sent the defeated capsuleer home.
“Scratch one bogey,” Syeed said. “Bugging out like we rehearsed.”
He warped his Osprey Navy Issue to a safe spot, and deployed a mobile depot. Then he used the fitting service to install a prototype cloaking device. Scooping the depot again, he activated his cloak and settled back to wait out his aggression timer.
“Loot secured,” Hummingbird said. “These strip miners will fetch a decent price when I sell them back to Horde in their own market. Keep them coming.”
“Hummingbird, patch in the feed from Horde Standing Fleet comms. Let’s see what they’re saying about me.”
Syeed relaxed and watched as lines of text scrolled across the heads-up display floating in his pod.
Roar Tivianne > Katarina Illuminato neut?
Max Churchill > yeah
Max Churchill > fancypants alliance is meant to be treated neutral
Roar Tivianne > they have acces to our ansi's?
Tiendiel > yes, fancypants corp is part of horde, they set up an alliance for AT
Parvizl > Roar Tivianne fancypants alliance is horde people that created a new alliance for the tournament
Jack Lagash > they're neut to us tho
Max Churchill > yes, you can fight them
Tiendiel > if they are on tether leave them be tho
Roar Tivianne > OK. thanks
“Seems we’re still flying under the radar,” he said a few minutes later. “I’m heading back to the logoff zone. Call me when you have another target.” He disappeared from Normal Space.
Soon after, the spy pinged again. An Algos, ratting. The same pilot, in fact, as the Algos Syeed had destroyed with a Hecate the day before - Ingram Ironheart. Syeed killed them again. An hour later - another Ingram Ironheart Algos. Then a pair of Ventures. Then Algos number four for Ingram.. A Vexor. A Merlin. Another Vexor.
Ship after ship was torn apart by Syeed’s missiles. 400 capsuleers were in local, all of them except for Syeed were in Pandemic Horde or their allies. And still he flew to and fro murdering noobs with impunity, completely unnoticed by any intel channels, ignored by the Standing Fleet.
“Hummingbird, you’re in Horde. What the heck is going on? Why is this so easy?” Syeed asked, as he waited out his timer after another Vexor kill.
“Well, boss, it seems there has been an announcement from CCP (the great demon who controls the universe, as you know). The Newbeans are all riled up about it. The capsuleers here in R1O-GS are all ratting completely afk, while the players that control them are paying attention to their other clones in Jita.”
“One capsuleer controlling two clones simultaneously? Surely such a thing is impossible!” Syeed gurgled.
“Oh it’s possible to do, Dirtbag 1, just not possible to do well. Hence the easy pickings here. Their attention is focused on Jita, where they are shooting at a statue in protest because CCP is proposing to alter the laws of the universe to nerf AFK Rorqual mining.”
“Wait, Hummingbird, I don’t understand. CCP is allowing AFK Rorqual mining!? This is an outrage! We should be in Jita protesting too!”
“No, no, you don’t understand. AFK Rorqual mining has been a thing for years while you were winning EVE. The good citizens of nullsec are upset that it won’t be a thing anymore. They just really, really like AFK mining in Rorquals. Well, most of them actually don’t do that, but the rich ones that do have informed the others that they should be outraged, so they’re all there in Jita, while their neglected alternate clones AFK rat here in R1O-GN.”
“They are like sheep! Can they not think for themselves?”
“No, Dirtbag 1, not sheep. They are bears. Nullbears.”
Score
Nullbears killed: 20
Losses: 1
Will Syeed succeed at killing 100 nullbears by the end of November? Will he manage to kill anything bigger than a Vexor? Will he ever stop writing about himself in the third person? Tune in next time to find out…
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