Syeed maneuvered through the debris field of another fallen Vexor. Communicating telepathically with his Osprey Navy Issue’s thrusters via the circuitry implanted in his clone’s cerebral cortex, he aligned to a distant waypoint and engaged his warp drive.
“Scratch another bogey, Hummingbird,” he gurgled through viscous pod goo. “Scoop the loot and find the next one.”
“Roger that, Dirtbag 1,” the spy replied. “Oh hey, this frozen corpse looks familiar. Another Kalsigh Ravencrest.”
“Throw it on the pile with the rest of them, I guess. I do feel a little bad though. Do you think we should-“
“Stop blowing up Kalsigh’s ships?”
“What!? HAHAHAHAHAHA-“ Syeed’s laughter ended in a series of choking, gurgling coughs. “Gack! You’re killing me Hummingbird. I inhaled half a gallon of pod goo. Don’t make me laugh so hard.”
“Sorry boss.”
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| Bubbles on the LXQ2-T gate |
“Anyway, I was going to say maybe we should offer them the opportunity to pay ransom. I feel bad for killing them so many times, but there’s the Pirate’s Code to consider. If they don’t want to die, they need to pay.”
“I recommend against breaking radio silence, Dirtbag 1. I know that your PvP instincts were honed on the battlefields of highsec, where no encounter is complete without a healthy exchange of trash talk, but things are different out here. You’ve killed like 30 noobs in the last few days, but you’re still flying under the radar of the standing fleet for the most part. You’ve only been mentioned in the intel channels a handful of times.”
“You’re probably right, Hummingbird. Announcing myself would go against the Philosophy of Lurking,” the pirate said. “Stand by for safe log-off.”
“The Philosophy of what? Wait - I’ve got another target. Think you can handle an Ishtar?”
“Welp, there’s one way to find out.”
With a telepathic nudge, Syeed’s Osprey lurched back into Normal Space and entered warp.
Moments later he was staring down Jmac Hakaari of Pandemic Horde, in their shiny Ishtar class heavy assault cruiser. Like most nullbears, Jmac was occupied with assaulting innocent NPCs and didn’t immediately react to the flashy red pirate in their vicinity.
Activating his microwarpdrive, Syeed bore down on the target. “Die, fool!” he gurgled through a mouthful of pod goo as he unleashed the first salvo of missiles.
The nullbear attempted evasive maneuvers but their efforts were futile. Syeed’s souped-up Osprey Navy Issue was too fast, and quickly closed the distance.
In an act of desperation, Jmac instructed their powerful Praetor II drones to switch targets from the harmless NPCs to Syeed. Their lasers blasted his shields.
“Missile racks empty! Reloading!” Syeed cried. With a thought he activated the excruciatingly slow process of reloading his rapid light missile launchers, as he directed his much weaker Acolyte II drones to continue the assault, and rapidly orbited to mitigate the incoming laser fire from Jmac’s larger drones.
“Look out, Dirtbag 1, you’ve got company,” his spy warned.
A klaxon sounded aboard the Navy Osprey. Aura’s smooth, robotically feminine voice warned, “Proximity alert. Multiple hostiles inbound.”
“Poop poop poop,” Syeed cursed, activating his directional scanner. The heads-up display floating in his capsule showed a list of dozens of fearsome warships within 1 AU of his position. He eyeballed the progress of reloading his missile racks - 75%.
Another alarm sounded. “Shield integrity at 10%,” Aura pleasantly intoned.
Suddenly, a Stiletto class interceptor appeared on Syeed’s overview at a range of 50km.
Syeed telepathically activated his maneuvering thrusters to prepare a warp vector, just as a chirp from his HUD indicated his missiles were ready. He focused his thoughts on the launch code, “F1”, waited an instant for the first two volleys of missiles to leave the launchers, then activated his warp drive.
A resounding boom echoed throughout the vacuum of space behind him, signaling the destruction of the Ishtar, as he zoomed away to safety. In the last instant before he got away, dozens of hostile vessels filled the grid - Pandemic Horde’s infamous Standing Fleet.
“Loot secured,” Hummingbird chirped as Syeed activated his cloaking device. “Congratulations, Dirtbag 1. Your ship has paid for itself. From here on out, this expedition is operating in the black.”
“Excellent,” Syeed said as he assessed the damage to his lightly singed Osprey. “Uh…I’m going to need you to drop an Armor Repairer and some drones at the supply cache when you have a moment.”
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| After the fight |
“Sure thing, boss,” the spy replied. “Anyway, what were you talking about before? The Philosophy of Something Something?”
“Ah yes, the Philosophy of Lurking. Allow me to explain…”
“As you know, Hummingbird, from reading the entire 40,000 pages of my blog leading up to this point, over the years I have employed a distinct style of solo PvP in lawless space. I never bothered to give that style a name before, but let’s call it the Philosophy of Unconstrained Belligerence. The name pretty much says it all.
“This PvP expedition represents a distinct departure from that system. I have come to realize that while unconstrained belligerence certainly has its merits, the state of New Eden has evolved, and my goals and expectations and personal limitations have evolved. I’m 12 years older now than when I started PvPing. I have a toddler. I have a life outside the-“
“Hold up, Dirtbag 1. Did you just say you have your child aboard a pirate ship in hostile space?!”
“I pay you to hunt nerds and listen to monologues, Hummingbird. Not to ask stupid questions.”
“Pardon the interruption.”
“Anyway, as I was saying, a new approach is called for. I figured I would try moving in to a nice system in nullsec where there are hundreds of people to shoot at 24/7, but instead of unconstrained belligerence, I would try restraint. I would make it an exercise of trying to stay alive as long as possible rather than trying to get kills as fast as possible. Careful scouting. Logging off in space. Avoiding fights, and only doing fast hit and run attacks against anything I think I can gank and get away before the blob lands. Running away at the first sign of trouble. In short, the exact opposite of how I usually PvP.
“The Philosophy of Lurking is not about goodfights or e-bushido, it’s about farming nullbears for loot. And the resounding success of this expedition seems to be proof that the idea has merit.
“I’d tell you more, Hummingbird, but the exact details are…classified for the time being. Perhaps another time.”
“...Huh? Were you still talking, Dirtbag 1? I think I dozed off there for a minute. But - oh hey! A Drake Navy Issue, right over there.”
“On my way,” Syeed said, dropping into Normal Space.
…to be continued.
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| Unrelated Stratios |
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