Grand Theft Spaceship

Inspired by my fellow EVE blogger Feyd Rautha Harkonnen and his kill-it-forward program, I took to the skies of Osmon today in a shiny new Police Pursuit Comet to try to kill a carebear in retaliation for forum whiners calling for continued nerfs to highsec PvP. I had 2 or 3 false starts, bears who just wouldn't engage in spite of my best efforts to make an ass of myself.

Finally I warped in on a player named Exterminator CaveMan, who was running a mission in a Drake. He had just finished killing the rats, and was cleaning up the site. I went flashy by shooting at his MTU, and he quickly redboxed me.

The Game
I launched my 3 Hobgoblin 2s and quickly put down all of his Hob 1s as I warp scrambled his hull, then opened a convo with him.

[ 2014.03.28 01:44:22 ] Exterminator CaveMan > hello
[ 2014.03.28 01:44:39 ] Kalim Dabo > o/
[ 2014.03.28 01:44:52 ] Kalim Dabo > 50 mil or the drake dies
[ 2014.03.28 01:45:15 ] Exterminator CaveMan > ok ass long as you stop
[ 2014.03.28 01:45:24 ] Kalim Dabo > ok, send the isk, i'll stop
[ 2014.03.28 01:45:43 ] Exterminator CaveMan > done

My wallet blinked and I checked it, finding to my surprise that he had actually sent the 50 million. I was
so taken aback by the speed with which he paid the ransom that I wasn't sure what to do next, but luckily my Suddenly Ninjas training kicked in and I thought of trying to steal his Drake.

[ 2014.03.28 01:46:09 ] Kalim Dabo > ok, there's just one more thing
[ 2014.03.28 01:46:14 ] Exterminator CaveMan > remove the warp disruptor pls
[ 2014.03.28 01:46:16 ] Kalim Dabo > i'll need a trophy kill
[ 2014.03.28 01:46:28 ] Kalim Dabo > this is what you need to do -
[ 2014.03.28 01:46:30 ] Exterminator CaveMan > I am noobie - what is a trophy kill
[ 2014.03.28 01:46:47 ] Kalim Dabo > eject from the drake, go to station and get a rookie ship, then come back
[ 2014.03.28 01:47:03 ] Kalim Dabo > i kill the rookie ship, then let you have the drake back
[ 2014.03.28 01:47:26 ] Kalim Dabo > understand?
[ 2014.03.28 01:47:38 ] Exterminator CaveMan > I will bring one to you - shuttle do ??
[ 2014.03.28 01:47:44 ] Kalim Dabo > sure
[ 2014.03.28 01:48:01 ] Exterminator CaveMan > I will warp a shuttle in, if you remove the disruptor when it comes in
[ 2014.03.28 01:48:20 ] Kalim Dabo > sure

My intent, of course, was to get him to eject and go get a rookie ship, thereby allowing me to board his Drake, but instead he brought in an alt in a shuttle - I just rolled with it.

[ 2014.03.28 01:48:30 ] Exterminator CaveMan > warping in now...
[ 2014.03.28 01:49:05 ] Exterminator CaveMan > shuttle is in grid
[ 2014.03.28 01:49:12 ] Kalim Dabo > ok, move him closer so i can hit him
[ 2014.03.28 01:49:18 ] Kalim Dabo > then accept the duel
[ 2014.03.28 01:49:39 ] Exterminator CaveMan > looking for where to accept
[ 2014.03.28 01:49:51 ] Kalim Dabo > sorry, you blocked duel requests, so you need to challenge me
[ 2014.03.28 01:49:58 ] Exterminator CaveMan > done
[ 2014.03.28 01:50:01 ] Exterminator CaveMan > remove warp pls
[ 2014.03.28 01:50:27 ] Exterminator CaveMan > warp is not disengaged
[ 2014.03.28 01:50:55 ] Kalim Dabo > lol, that didn't work as planned
[ 2014.03.28 01:51:05 ] Exterminator CaveMan > why not
[ 2014.03.28 01:51:07 ] Kalim Dabo > sorry, was a diabolical ruse
[ 2014.03.28 01:51:26 ] Kalim Dabo > you were supposed to eject, therby allowing me to steal your ship :D
[ 2014.03.28 01:51:41 ] Kalim Dabo > i'm sorry to say i have to kill you now

My finger twitched towards the F1 button, when to my surprise, he ejected from his Drake and warped off with his pod.

[ 2014.03.28 01:52:13 ] Kalim Dabo > wow, thanks
[ 2014.03.28 01:52:21 ] Kalim Dabo > o7

Revenge of the Carebear
I then had my alt warp in with a pod, board the Drake, and deliver it to station. That done, I spent a moment inspecting my surroundings, when suddenly, an avenging Cormorant warped to my position and opened fire. I chortled with bloodlust and glee and targeted him, switched to null, set my orbit at 7500m, and set my drones on him.

The Cormorant kited away from me, and I started taking an unexpected amount of damage. He was microwarpdrive and rail-fit, contrary to my expectations, and was tearing into my armor in no time. My dual reppers struggled to keep up. He also showed good sense in reacting to my drones, blapping my first wave of 3 Hob 2s within seconds, and then making short work of my second wave of 3 Hornet EC-300s.

Once he had finished off my drones, he then made his fatal error, moving close enough that I could get scram on him and move into blaster range. It was an amazing fight, and he showed both balls and competence wholly unexpected in a mission bear, and almost took down my blinged Comet with a T1, low-SP dessy.

The Aftermath
I then returned to station to check out what I had stolen and to repair my ship and make it ready for more shenanigans, when Exterminator opened a second convo.

[ 2014.03.28 02:03:32 ] Kalim Dabo > that was fun, no?
[ 2014.03.28 02:03:37 ] Exterminator CaveMan > can I ask a couple of questions pls
[ 2014.03.28 02:03:41 ] Kalim Dabo > sure
[ 2014.03.28 02:03:52 ] Exterminator CaveMan > when I warped in the drake and tayra were not on my map - were they gone ??
[ 2014.03.28 02:04:21 ] Kalim Dabo > i'm not sure about the tayra, but yes, i stole the drake
[ 2014.03.28 02:04:34 ] Kalim Dabo > had an alt warp in and board it, then leave
[ 2014.03.28 02:04:58 ] Exterminator CaveMan > I stuck around to understand how to pick up the tayra.... when you arrived....
[ 2014.03.28 02:05:19 ] Exterminator CaveMan > I do appreciate the experience even if it did cost me something....
[ 2014.03.28 02:05:25 ] Kalim Dabo > that was actually a really good fight with the cormorant, you almost had me
[ 2014.03.28 02:05:49 ] Kalim Dabo > i thought you had blasters, so i kept out at range and your rails were killing me
[ 2014.03.28 02:05:52 ] Exterminator CaveMan > I put it all up to experience....
[ 2014.03.28 02:06:04 ] Kalim Dabo > you also killed the drones first which was a smart move
[ 2014.03.28 02:06:15 ] Exterminator CaveMan > what did you use to repair your armor so quickly - my rails became ineffective
[ 2014.03.28 02:06:38 ] Kalim Dabo > i have 2 small armor reppers
[ 2014.03.28 02:06:43 ] Exterminator CaveMan > the drone kill mean't you paid something for the fight, and kept them off my back...
[ 2014.03.28 02:06:51 ] Kalim Dabo > and a cap booster to keep them running
[ 2014.03.28 02:06:55 ] Kalim Dabo > yep
[ 2014.03.28 02:07:07 ] Exterminator CaveMan > They do seem to work well...
[ 2014.03.28 02:07:23 ] Kalim Dabo > yeah, i'm pretty happy with the fit
[ 2014.03.28 02:07:37 ] Kalim Dabo > it doesn't work well against high alpha damage though
[ 2014.03.28 02:07:38 ] Exterminator CaveMan > thanks again....   I am training up a combat pilot so it is good to understand how the different equipment can work
[ 2014.03.28 02:07:44 ] Kalim Dabo > sure
[ 2014.03.28 02:07:48 ] Exterminator CaveMan > what is high alpha ??
[ 2014.03.28 02:08:00 ] Kalim Dabo > the damage from a single volley
[ 2014.03.28 02:08:06 ] Exterminator CaveMan > ta
[ 2014.03.28 02:08:18 ] Kalim Dabo > :)
[ 2014.03.28 02:08:22 ] Exterminator CaveMan > not sure why my missles could not target you from the drake
[ 2014.03.28 02:09:14 ] Kalim Dabo > i had ecm drones out at first, maybe you were jammed?
[ 2014.03.28 02:09:56 ] Exterminator CaveMan > so having ecm drones, means your ship does not need a ecm on board, leaving you free to fit the other modules....
[ 2014.03.28 02:10:27 ] Exterminator CaveMan > can I have my 50mil back now....  you did get a drake out of it ?
[ 2014.03.28 02:10:42 ] Kalim Dabo > yes, but they have less chance of working than ECM modules on a dedicated ECM ship like a griffin or blackbird
[ 2014.03.28 02:11:10 ] Kalim Dabo > i'm afraid i need to keep the isk :D what sort of pirate would i be if i gave it back?
[ 2014.03.28 02:11:31 ] Exterminator CaveMan > thought as much - till next time then my hearties....
[ 2014.03.28 02:12:24 ] Kalim Dabo > best of luck to you

The Spoils
In addition to the 50 million isk "ransom" that I collected, the Drake that I stole was fitted with 6 Caldari Navy Heavy Missile Launchers, which are worth about 50 mil each in Jita, so the whole ship netted me something in the neighborhood of 350 million isk. The Cormorant dropped a Coreli A-Type 1mn MWD worth roughly 26 million. So the evening's entertainment earned me a total of about 426 million isk for about an hour's work. Who says crime doesn't pay?

Killing-it-Forward
The good news is that I killed a carebear. The bad news is that he turned out to be the greatest carebear of all time and nearly raped me with his counterattack. In fact, by the authority vested in me as a pirate by the Gods of Pew, I hereby declare that Exterminator CaveMan is No Longer a Carebear, but a worthy young combat pilot that any pirate organization should be proud to have on their crew.

If I weren't so absurdly space-poor right now, I would shower him with isk for the courage that he showed tonight. If you are feeling generous, I would encourage you to send him a contribution.

That said, I can not in good conscience count this as the contribution to the kill-it-forward program that I had intended, and so I will need to get back out there and kill another bear. Because God wills it. Or so I hear.